The following was passed on to me from a friend. This is a great demonstration of how good copywriting can target, engage and sell. My guess is that this guy got plenty of calls this Craig’s List ad … yep, an online classifieds ad!:
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.
It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that’s what your Prius is for. If that’s the kind of car you’re looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.
This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn’t even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don’t get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn’t let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don’t even know what the hell On Star is).
It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There’s a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.
My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I’ll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don’t walk up and tell me you’ll give me $5,000 for it. That’s liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.
There’s only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.
Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I’ll get back to you. And when I do, we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.
To sweeten the deal a little, I’m throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can’t fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.
Rock on.
Author: Tom Flynn III
http://www.lessingflynn.com/
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I was about to call this guy and make an offer. I had visions of myself machine gun in hand driving this man machine thru the snowdrifts outside, then i went and looked in the mirror and realized I was not meant for a vehicle with this much machismo… I will continue to drive my civic to my incredibly average job as a loan officer.
Ha – so clever and I laughed at the Prius comment. I'd possibly buy it just for the hammer pants. Hammer Time.
Hilarious! "we’ll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash." I nearly fell out of my office chair when I read that line.
Ben – I drive a Camry … so don't feel too "average".
Amy – as if a car like that needed the Hammer Pants!
Pete – I guess I'm really "unmanly" – as I haven't even heard of "Schmidt". Got Johnny Cash on one of my ringtones though … so that might help!
Wow. Tom are you dipping into the steroids again? I was with the author until he mentioned that he picks up girls on this way to the gym. No self-respecting gym rat would be able to take his eyes off himself in the rear-view mirror long enough to do that.
Hilarious! I have to admit..for a nano second I thought this might make a nice xmas gift for my husband until it dawned on me that the seats must smell like a herd of wild boar lived in there! Have you considered maybe raffeling it off?
This add has me sold… anyone who can incorporate ‘Burmese’ kicking butt and even knowing what Burmese is, has gotten my attention… where do I sign for this car??? BTW – I’m Burmese if you haven’t guessed…